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Edinburgh Tram runs on test track at top speed for first time

on Sat, 12/22/2012 - 23:49

This newspaper story 'broke' this week in Edinburgh.

At the same time the newsdesk here received a leaked draft of a follow up News release seemingly from within the communications department:

From the office of Dear Leader, Sue-Kim Bruce ,

To: All staff in the Waverley Court Heavenly Palace of Contentment, (formerly The Old Town hall)

City of Incredinburgh,(Formerly Edinburgh)

Dated: This year of our Tram -2 (formerly Year of our Tram +2) 

Dear Loyal members of the Fellowship of the Tram!


It is my happy duty to inform you all that I and my fellow colleagues on the 'Top Floor' confidently expect to be able to announce the award of  a Nobel Prize for engineering after our recent tram triumph where the world's press assembled to see it run up and down.

 Now, although there may be no actual evidence in any form that this award is imminent, our City's top advisors after extensive study, lobbying and analysis have told me today 'They feel it in their water', and , furthermore 'Why not?', that after the  EEC recently won the Peace Prize our City of IncrEdinburgh will no be a virtual shoo-in for the next award of the prestigious Nobel Prize for Engineering!!!

Indeed many people employed by the Council to tell us things we like to hear; such as our Scientific Services department, tell us this prize is as good as in the bag.  In their opinion the staggering acheivement of getting our tram to trundle so magnificently leaves the Norwegians no option other than to put their glittering cherry on our cake of magnificent achievement.

Watch this space for more news (Not the Council leader's letter---they'll be the last to know!)

The Tram test is just more glittering evidence of the colossal vision, energy and drive that is powering our Council, and ample proof that our city is the wonder of the Age, Loyal Followers of Contentment, and rightly so!!

Revisionist thinkers may try and point out many other cities already have Tram systems, built without fuss, and on time and within budget. Some even ended up delivering what they planned. I urge you not to listen to this dangerous drivel!

All other so-called 'systems' are as naught when compared to our own truly IncrEdinburgh one!!

  • Consider! How over complicated all other systems are for people to understand when compared to the simple beauty of our single line!!!!
  • Consider! How pitiful and unimpressive are other bills when compared to our already colossal, and still growing, total!!!
  • Consider! Who else could match our innovative thinking in ensuring our tram system connects places where not many people live to other destinations not many people wish to go that ensures our cleaning and maintenance costs will be lower than otherwise!!!
  • Consider: Where else on Earth uses as many exclamation marks or a fraction of the hyperbole that our Glittering Metropolis expends daily in our own media press releases entirely about ourselves.
  • Consider: What other city manages to bang on as endlessly about the completely bleedin' obvious with the selfless energy and drive of our very own City Of Incredinburgh!!!!

Dear Leader 

From S-K B the D.L.


Head of communications :

I think this reads well dear fellow of Heavenly Contentment except for the last two bullet paragraphs that seem to veer completely off track (to coin a phrase), please ensure for the rewrite  that your fellow toilers in the copy and paste department have their medication in balance and that the usual 'on message' tranquility reigns.

And do please ensure the drugs are working  properly before getting them to write anything in the future. Remember that although there are plenty of former Heads of Communication in Boot Hill there remains more than enough space for more! Missing you already!!! 

(Only joking!! Ha! Ha! Ha!--The D.L.)







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