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City wide health experiment now in full swing

e2toe4's picture
on Mon, 07/28/2014 - 21:11
Here's the latest press release from Edinburgh Council...the release they haven't released--yet.
 
Edinburgh Council's innovative new health experiment gets under way!
 
Breathe in...breathe out...
 
 

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Congratulations!! you are taking part in Edinburgh Council's innovative city wide health study experiment.
 
As part of the project the Council is committed to not irresponsibly burdening you with any unnecessary facts about the experiment---such as the fact (UK Govt 2014) that last year 205 people died early than they should have in Edinburgh because of the effects of traffic created pollutants (mainly NO2 and the tiny 'particulate Matter' PM2.5 and PM 10s.  
 
Apologies for that inadvertent fact slipping through...it certainly won't happen again.
 
The traffic on the day this photograph was taken was not a typical day.... on this day a political demonstration had taken place that had disrupted city traffic...so if this is one of the days on you may have suffered that fatal effect before your time (if you are one of the unfortunate 205) while you'll still be dead, rest (in peace) assured that it wasn't normal traffic levels that conspired to kill you.
 
The same applies if the congestion that kills is you because of the Hogmanay celebrations, festival fireworks, the trams breaking down due to power failure, a minor vehicle breakdown, or perhaps after a run of the mill non-fatal traffic on any of the streets struggling to carry traffic around the city.
 
For the rest of us, our death will be because of the normal pollution in the city.... but don't worry, we'll still be as dead the people whose death was due to traffic levels raised abnormally by the sorts of normal, abnormal city events listed above.
 
In our exciting annual review published in January every year (except this year as it hasn't been published yet) we revealed ...er..the January before last that in 2010, (the latest figures we had to hand were for 2010, but you know how it is, time flies )..that traffic in our city was 5% down.
 
But don't worry!
 
We pledged to make traffic congestion and traffic created pollution a priority... and we have not forgotten that pledge.
 
Despite this 5% reduction in traffic across the city, our pollution levels were actually 14% HIGHER than in the previous year!!  
 
Yes!... despite fewer vehicles making shorter journeys..Edinburgh Council was STILL able to raise the levels of pollution in the city!!
 
Amazing!! INcrediburgh!!! 
 
And no...we don't know how we do it either.....!! 
 
 

 
AND neither do you ------------ seeing as how we haven't released THIS years annual review yet, 7 months late and counting!!
 
But rest assured our pollution is the highest of ANY city in Scotland including Glasgow...and we're determined to keep it that way...!!! 

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